"People use the phrase 'according to science' to seem more factual and intelligent than they really are."
"Napoleon Dynamite depicts a much more realistic American high school experience than Bring It On or Mean Girls."
"I love my job, and it can be incredibly rewarding, but I think most of us just like the abuse for some reason."
How do I maintain my successful shellfish empire as I become more forgetful with age? Easy — it’s all mussel memory!
"Yeah taxes are stressful but you ever have a server pull up a chair to your table, then sit down and explain how the restaurant works while making unwavering eye contact" —@KathrynKvas
"Pearcesson" ("person") is the best word to use when you don't know if someone's pronouns are he/him, she/her, or theheigh/thaham.
"When I first met her father, he did the typical 'I own a shotgun, so treat her right' thing. He's always been overprotective."
"Really feel like I should have gotten to fuck around a whole lot more for the historic amount of 'finding out' that's happened in my lifespan" —@VeryBadLlama
"A girl pinned a dude's arm behind his back for spreading a rumor that I was gay. Ironically, that incident made me realize I had a crush on her."
"A horrible, uneasy feeling came over me. I have never been able to explain exactly what happened."
Money can't buy you class, but it CAN help celebrities buy some truly horrific looking bathrooms 🤑🚽
"I love my job, and it can be incredibly rewarding, but I think most of us just like the abuse for some reason."
"Really feel like I should have gotten to fuck around a whole lot more for the historic amount of 'finding out' that's happened in my lifespan" —@VeryBadLlama
"A horrible, uneasy feeling came over me. I have never been able to explain exactly what happened."
"Well, well, well if it isn’t all my 'we’ll deal with it in January' chickens home to roost" —@hansmollman
"People use the phrase 'according to science' to seem more factual and intelligent than they really are."
"My grandchild wanted to sing the song about people eating dirt ('Another One Bites the Dust')" —@deedledood
"Yeah taxes are stressful but you ever have a server pull up a chair to your table, then sit down and explain how the restaurant works while making unwavering eye contact" —@KathrynKvas
"When I first met her father, he did the typical 'I own a shotgun, so treat her right' thing. He's always been overprotective."
"Napoleon Dynamite depicts a much more realistic American high school experience than Bring It On or Mean Girls."
