Skip To Content

    32 Ruthlessly Funny Parents Who Aren't Afraid To Put Their Kids On Blast For The Whole Damn Internet

    "Get your kid a hamper so they have something to throw their dirty clothes near."

    We rounded up some of the funniest recent parenting tweets we could find, and they are all parts hysterical:


    My wife and I are starting an Escape Room franchise where groups of strangers have to get our 3 kids under age 5 dressed and out of the room in one hour

    Twitter: @thedad


    Last week a friend told me she’s looking forward to her toddler turning 3 because she’s tired of the defiant stage. I’m still laughing.

    Twitter: @oneawkwardmom


    we heard a loud beep in McDonald's and my daughter asked if it was their ice cream machine flatlining

    Twitter: @raoulvilla


    Twitter: @mommeh_dearest


    Parenthood is walking around your house mumbling “what the fuck is that” over and over

    Twitter: @reallifemommy3


    My kids and I play this fun game where I wake up early to enjoy a coffee alone and they wake up earlier to make sure that I don’t

    Twitter: @IHideFromMyKids


    before becoming a parent i didn't know i could ruin someone's life by providing them with food, water, juice, clothes, entertainment and shelter for free.

    Twitter: @dadmann_walking


    Thoughts and prayers for my 12-year-old. I asked her to replace the toilet paper roll and now she's now in tears because she has to do everything around here.

    Twitter: @XplodingUnicorn


    Kids should come with a “skip intro” button for their stories

    Twitter: @IHideFromMyKids


    I told my toddler that she could only pack the essentials so she filled two suitcases, one with socks and the other with stuffed animals

    Twitter: @reallifemommy3


    8-year-old: We had a a substitute bus driver. Me: How'd that go? 8: Bad. I was hoping she didn't know the way to school.

    Twitter: @XplodingUnicorn


    my six year old wanted me to pretend to be her mom and i said “i am your mom” and she said “but like, a cool young fun mom” im glad i tore up my body to birth her just to get shredded to pieces like that

    Twitter: @mom_tho


    Get your kid a hamper so they have something to throw their dirty clothes near.

    Twitter: @mom_needsalife


    My teen- *with a mouthful of burger and fries* Must be nice to be an adult and do whatever you want Me- *picking at my salad and holding the bill*- Yeah, it’s been a real treat

    Twitter: @maryfairybobrry


    I've got my daughter and her friend playing a game called "scrub the baseboards clean." This is peak parenting.

    Twitter: @lmegordon


    My twins learned some new adjectives at school today and are currently arguing about whether the dinner I cooked is abominable or diabolical

    Twitter: @MumInBits


    Parents to their first born: don’t hurt yourself Parents to their last born: try not to kill yourself

    Twitter: @reallifemommy3


    A totally not creepy thing about parenthood is when your kids start losing teeth you have a dedicated place in your house where you keep parts of their body.

    Twitter: @OyVeyLady


    Welcome to parenthood. You have way more shit to do, and way less time to do it in.

    Twitter: @HenpeckedHal


    5: please can I have an apple Me: sure *gives apple* 5: oh dear Me: what’s up 5: I can’t eat that apple Me: why not 5: it’s not a donut

    Twitter: @MumInBits


    7 called the dinner my wife made tonight "prison food". Visitation will be from 1-3 this Friday with a memorial service immediately after.

    Twitter: @dadmann_walking


    My toddler came into the bathroom while I was on the toilet and said, “you pooped! You get a cookie!” This is the only level of enthusiasm I’ll be accepting from now on.

    Twitter: @oneawkwardmom


    Welcome to parenthood. You never thought you'd want to fight a 5yo, but here we are.

    Twitter: @HomeWithPeanut


    Hubs: I’ve decided I don’t want to have children. Me: You’re about 9 years too late.

    Twitter: @momsense_ensues


    Raising teenagers makes raising a toddler look like the easiest time in my life. Sorry for the bad news, toddler parents.

    Twitter: @dadmann_walking


    I wanted to be the mum that makes the best cookies but instead I’m the one that has 7 takeout apps on her phone

    Twitter: @Lottie_Poppie


    My toddler has been throwing things, so I bought him a book about managing emotions, which he picked up and threw at me.

    Twitter: @kidversations_


    I accidentally drank from my husband’s dad mug and the kids didn’t wake me up once last night

    Twitter: @reallifemommy3


    Kids only want something when you sit down.

    Twitter: @itssherifield


    I just told my kids they’ll never beat me at the silent treatment and they fell for it. The last 10 minutes have been heaven.

    Twitter: @sixfootcandy


    I’ve never won the lottery but I once made a dinner that all three kids enjoyed at the same time

    Twitter: @threetimedaddy


    I think school photo packages are secretly a math test for parents to discover if we're capable of figuring out the one that's the best value. I am confident I have failed this test. Again.

    Twitter: @kevinthedad

    If you think these parents are as hilarious as I do, be sure to follow them on Twitter!